this just in: the acceptable quota of school children shot at their desks has been raised for the twentieth time in as many years. this just in: oceans are rising and the rain is acid and the air is poison. this just in: police budget raised for the continuation of federally-acceptable murder of people not like you. this just in: full efforts on the way to return human rights to the 1920s. this just in: the war is still going. this just in: everything will be ok if you just listen to whoever you already agree with. this just in: billionaires and corporations and influencers are your friends, actually. this just in: the only thing trickling down to the poor is the piss and shit of the wealthy. this just in: the mass sacrifice of over one million people for the economy didn’t work. this just in: everything is fine, continue as normal. return to your regularly scheduled programming. close your eyes, cover your ears, and look down.